My Diary: Mixed emotions

This something I wrote recently. My diary has been misplaced actually since I have come back to Bombay. So out of my old stuff what ever I will keep coming across I'll keep udating it here. Simultaneously, I will be adding whatever new excerpts I write. This write-up is basically the struggle of a broken heart trying to deny still bein in love with the person who has broken it. It is a blend of confused emotions, broken promises and a longing to find love again.

I'll Never Know

I often sit and wonder how real is love and the conclusion is always ?uh huh? ?umm? ?err?. It?s funny how we all talk about love and yet don?t know for sure how true it is. In some cases love is the basis of everything in life, those I guess are the ?lucky few?. For love I say has never been true to me. Is it my bad luck or maybe I am just not lovable enough?

Time and again I ask myself, will I ever find love or worse still will love ever find me? Has my heart surpassed the need for love; after all the pain it caused, for all the nights that I cried myself to sleep or for all the times that it hurt so bad within I thought I?d never survive? Can that be a possibility? My mind repeatedly brings back those past memories of ache and upset. Frequently forcing me to ask myself- was it just that I was with the wrong person or did it just seem so real because it never actually was?

I guess I?ll never know the answers to these questions but I always mange to come above them. I manage to smile and feel good about myself and about love, however ironic that may sound. Because in my heart I will always know that through all the tears, even if just for a moment, the both of us --- had it all..................

Good Day People !!!! God Bless!! Love and Regards, Aarti Kapoor!!

My Diary : ~~ WHaT Do You Do ~~

Hello People!!!

This is a small write- up I wrote after almost a year had passed and my phase of depression was at its peak. (if you refer to some previous posts I have published I have explained my problems with addiction and then rebuke from my friends,this is a follow up of that) Everything was a mess as I was struggling to combat my addiction and the withdrawal symtoms which were like the compulsory blind and at the same time I had realised people who I called my best friends turned out be worse than enemies. It was hard tp push away thoughts suicide or harming myself in some or the other way amidst all this mess, that is when I decided to turn to my only resort; WRITING. So here goes.......

What Do You Do

You smile though within your actually dying, you keep moving on when your heart you know cant go on, coz if you don?t do all this then what do you do?

A million hopes are relying on you, a hundred smiles smile for you, if not for you some people would not wanna live, if not for you, your parents wouldn?t have sacrificed their desires, if not for you your father would come home early and rest rather than work overtime. If not for you your mother would not sit at home awaiting for you to return whether in school, whether in college, whether down to play or out on a outing whether your working, how ever big you get it still wont make your mother sleep till your not tucked in bed. So if at times you feel your lfe is just not going antywhere, that you would rather die than face your problems, what do you do?

You love someone with all your life, yet you have to let that person go, you hurt that person though its tearing you apart within, but you know if you really want to see that person happy you have let go, you have to let them grow. Coz when you had to learn you learnt it the hard way too, so you realize that its your turn to pass the torch and stop being selfish. The essence of love is not being happy with the person you love, but making sure whereever you may be, that person you love is happy. That is love.

So in the end the thing to do is simple yet hard. Coz it?s the simple things in life that matter.So you have to smile no matter what and you have to keep moving on, for your parents who brought you here and did everything for you, without any fear. You have to live, you have work and become a person pf scruples and principles. Coz in the end it doesn?t matter what you have, but what you chose to do with that what you had.After a while you will realize that even when you thought you couldn?t go on, you did and you feel glad you did. We don?t regret the things we do as much as we regret that which we dont do..So next time your heart asks you what to do, do just this, go to your parents hug them tight, and your heart will know you did it right.

My Diary - 1st submission

Hello people!!!

I am posting this write-up that I wrote in 2005, back when I was in college. Writing has always been my only refuge. I decided to start maintaining my writings in the form of small write-ups in a journal or a diary. I wrote this piece (it was the first entry in my diary as well) when I was going through one of the worst phases of my life,in an unknown city.I had been friends with this girl ever since the first day of college. We clicked right away and then there was no looking back. Though we never said it, it was clear there is no room for a third person. So you can imagine the closeness. However it was shortlived. Due to a number of reasons. So I did vent out my feelings though,to date I still feel the need for someone to just hear me out, an what could a better medium than the net. Its a bit lenghty but I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Do leave your comments. Criticism is more welcome than praise as it will only help me grow in my writing.

Thanks.....

FRieND$ oF ouR LiVe$ !!!

FRIENDSHIP, one of the most cherished of all relations. Two people from separate worlds, castes, backgrounds and not related by blood, easily understand each other. The love they share is far above every other relationship in the whole world. It could not get better than this. Imagine your friend & u so far apart from each other in perception, ideas, personality and mind frame are still closer than peas in a pod. I will be presenting ahead a small compilation on friends that I call “Friends of Our Lives”.

If ever the need arises, friends give their life for each other without any complaint or hesitation. Friends are mirrors, who are a reflection of the person that stays in us. It’s only with a friend that you can be yourself. However stupid you may sound about certain things your friend will always listen patiently. Even if you keep crying like a broken record, your friend will wipe your tears all the times you do. If at times you don’t feel like talking, your friend will sit by your site quietly but not leave you.

A Friend is God’s gift to Life. So you better handle your gifts with care. Unfortunately in most cases that I have seen, people realize what they have let go off only after losing their closest friend/friends. Well, it doesn’t mean that you’ll have to be sugary. Just be yourself. I mean everyone has their own share of arguments and quarrels. It’s a natural phenomenon and a healthy one at that. Where there is love, there is room for some problems and misunderstandings as well. Moreover the world we live in gets shallower day by day.

The trust two people share play a major role in changing and breaking friendships. However, it even depends on how credible your friend thinks you are. If your closest friend is filled in by a third party (irrespective of whether the source is credible or not) that you have snitched about that friend secretively. Your friend has two options, though being your closet pal that stage shouldn’t otherwise arise.However if your friend doesn’t believe then it will only make your bond a 100 times stronger. But if your friend chooses to believe, BAAM!! It’s the beginning of your end with your friend. When doubt seeps in your friends mind regarding you, it only means trouble, more trouble & even more trouble.

I will explain it in a simpler way. A sky scraper 105 stories strong is only cement mixed with water with out its foundation. If the foundation happens to deteriorate the 105 story building would crumble into a pile of fine dust. In the same way trust is the foundation of friendship. Doubt is the first step towards distrust. Hence if the foundation gets weak and shaken the relation will just shatter to pieces.Trust is what holds the relation and pulls it together.

If your friends can believe others over you then your friend never deserved you to begin with. You should be thankful to those that save you from such toxic friends. Even if you were to give your friend benefit of doubt, anyone genuine enough who would really give importance to your friendship will always approach you and will want to hear the truth from the horse’s mouth itself.If ever you have come across such a friend or if god forbid you ever happen to please do remember that reality is not what we perceive it to be, but, unfortunately reality is bitter & most of us don’t genuinely realize it. We live in a world of illusions, where everything is based on hope, where faith can move mountains, where god sees all and knows all and bad times are followed by good times. Beware of friends who are all talk and no show, they are the ones to be wary of..

GOOD TIME CHARLIE!

If the previous type of friends disheartened you then you better get your act together before venturing ahead..

The worst kind of betrayal or usually given by friends who are closest. But, this is My Personal Opinion. The best way to find out who your real friends are is during the time of a crisis. It’s an old saying, “When a ship is sinking, the 1st one to leave is the rat”. Its really heartening to find out that if god forbid you were to be stuck in a life & death situation, with minimum chances of survival, & at that point, your best friend, childhood chum, buddy, pal whatever you may call them were to leave you in the middle of nowhere and then without looking back even once, would walk away forever, what would be your plight?

Well I’ll tell you from experience. You won’t mind dying physically when you you’ve already died from within. That’s exactly how I felt. I hope it doesn’t ever happen to anyone. Please be wise in choosing your friends and even wiser in selecting whom to trust.I hope this article has served some purpose for at least one person.

Good Day People !!!! God Bless!!

Love and Regards,

Aarti Kapoor!!

Urdu Poetry: The Language of Love

Introduction

Ever since I can remeber I have been pssionate about poetry and urdu poetry has always topped the list. Its simple yet sutle. The reason being the softness of this beautiful language. Many of you may never even have heard of Urdu Poetry before, and even fewer of you may actually understand its nuances and meaning is. This article is a humble attempt to give you some basic knowledge about Urdu Poetry. This wtite up is a humble attempt to give those of you who are interested, some basic knowledge about Urdu Poetry.

A Bit About Urdu Poetry & Poets

Many of you may never have heard of Urdu Poetry before, and even fewer of you may know what Urdu Poetry actually is. This article is a humble attempt to give you some basic knowledge about Urdu Poetry. An appropriate place to start at would be the Urdu language. Urdu is an Indo-Aryan language that is spoken by an estimated 250 million people in India, Pakistan and neighbouring South Asian countries. Urdu is the official language of Pakistan and is the major language in some Indian states. But the language is not confined to the sub-Indian continent; Britain has one of the biggest Urdu communities in the world today. The Urdu language emerged in the 13th century in North India as a mixture of the Hindi language, other local languages, and the Persian language that was brought to the area by merchants and military men. Many Arabic and Turkish words have also been incorporated into Urdu. Its colourful mix of elements from many languages is the main reason for its highly poetic nature. Urdu Poetry traditions are deeply rooted in time, but like with many other types of poetry, a firm starting point simply cannot be established. Some of the major literary influences for later Urdu Poetry can be traced as far back as Kabir (1440-1518) and Amir Khusro (1253-1325 AD). Urdu Poetry is a melodic and elegant type of poetry whose major themes include human feelings, nature’s beauty, and the passion for love. A majority of Urdu Poetry is written in Nasta`liq calligraphy, a beautiful Perso-Arabic script. Since Urdu Poetry is very popular in India, where there are many people who can understand Urdu but are unable to read the Nasta`liq script, many of the poems have been translated into the Devanagari script that is used by Hindi speakers. With the advent of globalization, there are even some Urdu poems that have been written in Roman Urdu. Roman Urdu is simply the Urdu language written using the Roman alphabet. Poets of Urdu Poetry use a pen name which is called a takhallus. The takhallus will normally become a part of a poets real name and is added at the end of it. In Urdu Poetry, the takhallus is incorporated into the last couplet of the poem to act as a sort of signature. Mushairas, or Urdu Poetry recitals, are entertaining events where poets perform their works. The Mushaira is a deeply-loved and cherished part of the Pakistani and North Indian cultures. At a typical Mushaira, several invited guest poets will sit along a long table at the front of the room, just like you would expect with a panel of judges. There is one host who will invite each poet to perform his work. The audience participates by calling out “va” at the end of important couplets. An Urdu Poem is essentially composed of couplets, or pairs of versed lines that rhyme and have similar meters. One couplet is called a “Sher” and many couplets are called “Ashaar”. Although Urdu Poetry is characterized by several basic ingredients, there are many different forms of Urdu poems.

(Coutersy: http://www.amazines.com)